re: a Cocoon

red is my favorite color

red like your mothers eyes,

after a while of crying about how you dont love her

My mother's glasses cling to the remnants of childhood that we never really shed. Childhood, being not a thick coat we finally toss to the floor. not even like the slinky dress we unzip and slip neatly into the closet. childhood isnt the nailpolish we scrub off and throw the wad of saturated tissue into the trash, a heavy moist smack. its not the hair we cut that plummets to the floor, swept and lost. its not the glass we finally break and cut ourselves on, its not the teddy bear we gradually outgrow and lose to dustballs under the bed. its not the sweater that suddenly the arms arent long enough, no matter how much we pretend it still fits. im not sure exactly what it is, but i can feel that it isnt any of those

for me at least, its more like the money i pull out of an unexpected jeans pocket and wonder how the hell it got there. its more like the curls of my hair that no matter how much i straighten will always be there the minute i dont work actively to repress. childhood is more like the glasses we put on our heads and forget where they are. but theyve been there the whole time. and when we put them on, it colors everything we see. maybe thats why i love my mothers glasses, or maybe its the fact that they belong to her.

her sand or maybe honey colored comforter always reminds me of warmth, of a cocoon. i used to wrap myself in it, and the inside was black like ink darkness, and pretend i was in an egg. poking at the supple membrane where holes thawed into the blanket. it was thick and hot and when id come out id pretend i was new and blinking in this unfamiliarly bright world. and when my parents would come talk to me id pretend i didnt know who they were

i watched Amelie with my mom under this same blanket, and it is my favorite movie to date- the artistic filming, attention to details, my lust to speak french and the message, and the person who was next to me

she still remembers your touch

and i know that its not much

but you still havent lost her